Thus I heard:
At one time, a man was dwelling at a beach
in Florida.
There, in the last hours of a day in the rainy
season,
shortly before the full moon, this man was
carrying the
full gear of a True SD.
[Note from the translator: from other
sources it may be
concluded with reasonable certainty
that the term 'SD'
probably was used to denote a
'scuba diver'.]
At this occasion, the Venerable Vatatussi happened
to
be at this very beach, preparing himself to
swim out
to the ocean.
Seeing the man walking at the beach and in
full scuba gear,
Venerable Vatatussi walked up to him, stood
to his side,
and addressed him thus in a verse:
"Dear friend, oh Dear!
What is your name?
Why are you walking thus in full
scuba gear?
Tell me, quick, what is your
game?"
The man turned to the Venerable Vatatussi who
was
standing politely to his right side, answering
thus:
"You surely must be uneducated, silly,
dull, and
without proper knowledge. Do you not
recognize
that I am a True SD, fully endowed
by the Holy
Church of Divers, a member of the Noble
Beach Club?
Paul is my name, and I am truly SD!"
Venerable Vatatussi then spoke these memorable
and
remarkable words:
"Certainly have I heard of people who
walked
the Noble path to SD, dear friend.
I, myself, when I was still young in
years,
of good health, and blessed with the
fortune of
my dear parents who were owners of
the largest cloth
hanger factory at the West coast of
this Great
Country, I myself, in those day, have
taken the
Free Calcutta Diver Evaluation Test.
Then, in those days far gone, I sold
my house
and other worldly possessions and started
walking on the noble path to True SD.
However,
dear friend, after having spent all
of my money,
after having sold the cloth hanger
factory of
my dear parents without even their
knowledge, borrowing
on the credit cards of my dear wife
and my eldest
son, I was still not endowed with the
virtues,
degrees, and honors of a True SD.
At that time, then, dear friend, I myself,
after my
wife divorced me and after my children
changed
their names to hide the fact that I
was their
father, I too, joined the Noble and
Holy Beach
Club.
And, then, while growing older in years,
I was working
for many, many moons for the Beach
Club. Without pay,
seven days a week, more than
sixteen hours a day, abused,
ridiculed, having nothing else than
rice and beans
for many meals.
Then, one day, just after a new moon
at the
beginning of the dry season, I addressed
my
Senior in the Beach Club thus, in a
verse:
"Honorable Senior, please answer
my modest request!
Here I am, for many years
on my quest.
My name is Pete P.
and I am still not SD!
Of the hundreds of members,
if I look around,
Only three, to my knowledge,
let me count,
have ever reached this
Noble goal of SD.
How come? Oh Honorable,
please speak!"
And anger arose in the mind of the Honorable
Senior
and he answered thus and in harsh words:
"Thou are ungrateful, a
nit-wit, a loser,
Thou shallst now
be a beach-comber
We all hope you will
come to your senses!"
And for many years I was a beach-comber,
an outcast
who was forbidden to speak to anyone
in the
Beach Club; nor to anyone outside,
of course.
But then, dear friend, one day during
the rainy
season, my body became ill. And, as
you well know,
how could there be room for sick and
old men in
the Noble and Holy Beach Club? And
they expelled
me as I had become a burden."
The man in the scuba gear frowned and uttered:
"I sure hope I am allowed to talk to
you.
After all, man, you have been
expelled!"
And as they were talking, another man approached
them, stood to their side, and listened carefully
to their words.
And Venerable Vatatussi spoke the following words:
"How can anyone tell an SD what to do?
Are you not free to roam the
ocean whenever you like?
Do you not even go out to the
pool and swim for yourself?"
At these words, the man who had just joined
them,
interrupted Venerable Vatatussi with the utterance
that follows:
"How could anyone be so selfish to swim
in the ocean,
nor even the pool?
When all the rest of the world,
all other men and creatures
are damned to stay on the shore?
I for myself shall not rest day
nor night
until every living being will
know how to dive!"
Hearing these words, anger and disgust arose
in the man
with the name Paul and he answered with the
following verse:
"A snorkel you have, not even
a mask,
you clearly are never up
to this giant task!
Without the right gear,
you're lost in the ocean.
Trust me, you must join
the great Church of Divers
for your own salvation!"
And while the Venerable Vatatussi tried to
explain to both
how to get scuba gear on the Free Market and
promptly got
beaten up by both, at this occasion, while
the sun was
still setting, a whale swam to the shore and
talked
thus to the three men:
"You three men at the beach,
you with the snorkel,
and you, you with the gear,
and then you, with both
snorkel and gear!
Why don't you join me for
a ride in the ocean?
Do you not see?
A tidal wave is coming.
Now, as we speak."
But the men, except Venerable Vatatussi, refused
to listen
and to enter the water and to swim out to
the ocean.
The man in the scuba gear had never learnt
to swim and the
man who knew how to swim did not want to swim
because
the rest of the world wouldn't swim out with
him, too.
And while Venerable Vatatussi was entering
the water, he was
approached by Mara, the Evil One. And, at
this occasion, Mara,
the Evil One, spoke thus in a verse:
"Vatatussi, Pete P., hear those
wise men!
Tell me, what do you know?
Can't you see? They shurely
know best!
Or do you have pride still
in your chest?
Without blessings of Church
or Beach Club,
noone will ever be able
to swim!
And, even if so, don't be
so cruel!
The rest of mankind is
not there yet:
They can't swim, they don't
have the gear.
You should wait until they,
too, are finally here!
How dare you swim in ocean
or pool?
You really must be a real
big fool!"
Then, after having listened carefully to all
these utterances,
the Venerable Vatatussi, seeing the tidal
wave coming,
left the other two men and the shore behind
him, and swam
out with the whale into the ocean.
Not before too long, the tidal wave had swept
the beach
clear leaving no trace of any life. Then,
at that very occasion,
the whale spoke thus to the Venerable
Vatatussi in the
following words:
"The water is wet, no matter what man
says!
What use has scuba gear, snorkel,
or vest,
if man is not swimming nor diving,
nor all the rest?
Come on! Forget it! Let's now
and forever play chess!"
(End of mahamahabaalasutta.m)