1. HOW I CAME TO RESEARCH THIS
The first prerequisite to researching the mind is the passionate desire to do so, because nothing short of total dedication will carry you through the barriers in your way. Only seekers after truth need apply. You have to put your own case aside and discard any desire whether for wealth or vengeance or self righteousness that interferes with the search.
I also had the luck to be at a point in the cycle of existence where my intelligence was at maximum (we all have our smart and stupid lifetimes) and the further luck of having a family and teachers that usually helped instead of hindered. Without this, I wouldn't have had the wits to put things together or understand the answers I might find.
In addition to this, a researcher needs a dual exposure to heavy science and metaphysics, for only a fusion of the two has any hope of success in this field. I never made it to India, but I grew up in a family steeped in metaphysics and paranormal phenomena and I balanced this against my own innate bent for math and physics.
And finally I had the luck to stumble upon Scientology in my teens, before I had keyed in the usual weight of aberration that accumulates during a lifetime on Earth. And I found it at an early enough age to avoid being swept up in the sixties drug culture. That would have been a mistake not only because mind expanding drugs pull up too much out of the subaware area without proper preparation, but also because I needed the certainty that anything I saw or experienced was not due to some mind bending residual drug effect.
This left me ideally prepared to study the subject of Scientology, and I did so with a passion which soon bordered on fanaticism. But the fanaticism turned to heartbreak in the inanities of 1968 and 69. Since I would not abandon the subject, I hung on with grim determination and even remained on staff until my contract finished. And I racked up a record number of blows from post, because I would walk out at any order my conscience rebelled at, but I always came back after the dust had settled.
And eventually, the conflict between my love of the subject and my distaste for what the organization had become was too great for me to remain on staff. But I continued to study the subject, especially the materials of the 1950s which were mostly ignored, at least in those days (things have gotten better since then).
Eventually I did solo Nots and completed (unofficially) within about 6 months. This was in the early days of the level, and it would be many years before they would let anybody attest to completing it.
For myself, I had achieved a wonderful state of awareness. Not only had I reached cause over life (e.g. no longer affected by BTs and capable of handling them at will) but I had also realized that nobody was actually located anywhere in the first place (its just a mistaken idea that we all have) and therefore I was to some degree exterior to this universe and no longer stuck in the games going on here.
But I could be made to doubt that I was finished. There were a lot of unreal ideas about what an OT VII would be, and the org's unwillingness to have anyone complete were enough to get me wondering about whether it might be Nots that was keeping me from walking through walls. I think that there were quite a few of us in this position, I doubt very much that I was the first to really complete.
Its also possible that the SO had some PR considerations about who they would allow to be the first completion. Many of us old time auditors (and these would be the most likely to complete fast) were not fervent supporters of the party line. When the crowds were going hip hip hooray at Ron's statue, we were liable to stand around cynically and wait for the wave of BS to pass. This is not an ethics offense, but they know who is blindly loyal and who can think for themselves. And at a more mundane level, I was sloppy and wore glasses and was notorious for objecting to bullshit sales images which, as far as I was concerned, put us on a level with snake oil salesmen and used car dealers.
So after a very long break, I went back to auditing the level. And they leave you free enough, at this point, to chase after just about anything with the Nots techniques, so I went after the stuff that still caught my attention. But now I was going after things that didn't actually come from Nots, and after handling everything that could be done with Nots, the stuff I'd gone after was still there because I hadn't handled the real source. This was the period of my endless overrun. I was going after everything from why is the wall solid to what is the basic source of ARCXs and I was using the wrong tech for those kinds of questions.
Even so, I had many successes. And a few of the things I've been talking about in these technical notes were learned during that period. I even cleaned up my previous drilling on the old OT levels 4 through 7 which I had done earlier with good results and searched out any Nots stuff that might have been stirred up while doing them. I even went so far as to put out tractor beams and see if any entities showed up to block them etc.
But I ran into three areas that did not resolve and eventually collapsed the high case state and almost unkillable floating needle that had occurred when I had actually finished the level.
The three unresolved areas were:
a) Implant universes
b) Split off portions of myself
c) Actual GPMs
Gradually, as I kept following down things that led into these, and blowing off the Nots stuff, these three areas became more and more stirred up and exposed without being handled. And the state that I was in was so high that I was able to stir up a great deal of things in these areas before I finally collapsed.
And then the org's handling was heartbreaking and hopeless. They kept trying to get me to do more Nots and most of them didn't believe in these other things and had no way of handling them even if they did.
Many years passed, and I continued to get worse. Finally, I was sick, and going deaf in one ear, and loosing teeth at a rapid rate, and miserable about my job and life in general and sinking under an unbearable feeling of hopelessness. And I realized that I was looking down at a declining spiral that would soon end in death and failure.
So I decided that I had nothing to loose and took the plunge into unrestrained solo auditing on my own wild notions.
I began by making up a list of all the possible causes for the bad condition I was in, including the most common lower level reasons (overts, out-lists, etc.), Nots stuff, and even the invalidation of having completed and not being allowed to attest. And I did have some minor charge in these areas and cleaned it up. But it didn't cure the weight of the stuff I'd stumbled on without having the means to handle it. So I assessed the three areas above, and Implant Universes read well.
And I had an impression of an implant universe with a tiger and the idea that there might be a few dozen items in the platen, a bit like some of the things on OT2. And so I tried to do some listing of what the items might be. I had no idea of what I was getting into.
Thousands of items later, I had the anatomy of the penalty universes. And with that, everything had changed.
Eventually the penalty universes keyed out spectacularly and I was flying again. But I couldn't get a handle on either the actual GPMs or the split pieces, so I carried on with researching the track, especially later implants that were built on the penalty universe goals series. And eventually I began to find things prior to the penalty universes and began to really plot out the track as presented in "Cosmic History".
Once I'd handled enough implants, the actual GPM goal just sort of fell in my lap. I couldn't believe that I actually hadn't thought of it before, because it was so obvious. After a bit of fumbling around, I finally got the right way to handle these (see the write-up on actual GPMs) and put the matter to rest.
The matter of split portions of myself haunted me for a decade, and I'd poke at it once in awhile. But every attempt to handle it ended in failure and often got me sick. It is only recently that I finally found the trick for handling it (see "Divide and Conquer").
And so my three original sore spots have finally been solved. And the pain and difficulty of researching them was so great that I would not deny the answers to any who want them.
Of course, with my wild and freewheeling research, I managed to stir up another pile of unresolved areas while solving these that are given here. But I don't really mind that now that I have a method for working my way through the labyrinth. After all, I was always in this to find truth rather than to settle on some pat solution. And when you find good answers, they often raise new questions.
In truth I have probably been searching for answers off and on for an extremely long time. That may be true of everybody. One incident I found had a great deal of educational value, so I will pass it on here.
It seems to me that I was once a rich rice merchant and felt guilty that my knowledge and power let me live well off of the starvation of others. And so, eventually, I abandoned everything and undertook the pilgrimage to Tibet. This was perhaps a thousand years ago in India. At the gates, they made me undergo the same initiation as their children, namely to sit naked in the Himalayan snows for a night. It was this which led to the saying that the road to Lasha is death, for few lowlanders survived such a night. But it was not ill intended. A priest sat with me and read from their scrolls and offered instruction. And when I died, he continued to talk to the body and coaxed me through the between lives area so that I should be reborn among them and receive further training.
And after a number of lifetimes among the monks, with very little to show for all my labors, I became bound and determined to achieve enlightenment by whatever means. And so I took a collection of the scrolls and sat reading them and refused all nourishment as I did so. The scrolls were not of deep significance. They were things like the 7 virtues etc. which were nice but not great revelations. It was when I read one of these again (in Evan's translation of the Secret Doctrines) that this entire story came back to me.
For many days I continued to read the scrolls mechanically and refused everything but water. I ignored all distractions and communications and just kept on doggedly in a sort of half trance. Eventually the body began to starve to death but I ignored the pangs of hunger and eventually they went away to be replaced by a sort of weak numbness.
And finally I reached a point where the body had no energy left to sustain itself, but had not quite died. And so I remained alive and conscious with the fully support of a body, but the body itself ceased to swamp me with its perceptions and energy fields. And then I realized that the tiny spark of energy that still remained to me was my own creation and was not coming from the body, and I was finally able to drill this with positive feedback and perception of how much energy I was projecting and where it was going. It is quite possible that while you're alive, the body swamps and interferes with your own energy, and in between lives the prison machinery tries to keep you blocked so that I had found a sort of crack in the trap in the halfway state between life and death.
And in this state, I worked as long as I dared, fanning the flame of my own energy, and then I roused the body and called for food, for I knew that the other monks must be told of what I had found. And of course my meager perceptions and energy production were almost entirely swamped again, but not quite completely. Then I taught and studied for many years. Finally I undertook the trial again, but this time I knew where I was going. And this time I continued to drill my own energies and hardly noticed the passing of the body when it died.
I'm not sure if it was months or years, but I continued to drill for a long time, using simple exercises of perception and handling of energy. I don't think I had anything nearly as good as the OT drills we have now, but even simple reach and withdraw would be extremely effective if you did it with your own perceptible energy.
In the end I reached a state of real consciousness and ability in the bodiless condition. This is not how it usually is between lives, where you're normally in a half dream, battered by energies, and bothered by between lives control mechanisms.
But I hadn't really done anything to actually handle my case. There had been no tech on problems or overts or upsets and I still had no answer to the problem that had originally led me to Tibet, which was how to end the suffering and starvation in the world.
So I began a new search for answers. Based, I believe, on something in another of the scrolls (one that I haven't seen in this lifetime), I tried to follow a path out of this universe. I think that it told me to find the dark horse in the sky (the horsehead nebula) and pass through it and that I ended up coming up out of a pool in the magic universe. And there I found the red flower in the sky and went through it to the next universe above (the collapsed thought - conflicts universes) where a double helix (?) leads to the symbols universe. The entire journey is extremely vague (and perhaps my recall of it is blocked in some way), but I think that eventually I passed beyond the jewel of knowledge and was all the way out.
And once there, I had the feeling of being dampened and blocked and the idea that there were things unreachable in the distance, like cities in the night. And it seemed that the idea was placed in my mind that I was not ready and we all must come out together. And then I was moving down through the series of universes and came all the way back here, because it was what I was familiar with and the place where all the people I knew lived.
But I returned with considerable power, far more than when I had left. And I determined to change the world and make it a better place. So I reincarnated and this time I was so strong that it was my own energies that were the perceptible torch and the body's fields were swamped by my own projections. I chose the most scientifically advanced culture of that time, which was Islam, and became a white magician and wizard in Tunisia. I gained considerable wealth and power and had the ear of the sultan, but everything ran afoul of the usual out rudiments and other case factors and in the end it all went sour. In the next lifetime, I was sinking fast and became a black magician instead of a white one. And in that dramatization, I quickly managed to lose all the abilities I had gained and sunk back into the mainstream of humanity. In short order I was living lives among the Christians and alternately sinning and praying for forgiveness, although I never remembered what it was I really needed to be forgiven for.
This story is pretty wild, and I had my doubts when I scanned through the incident and wrote it down originally (immediately after reading that scroll in Evan's translation). This was before I had found the stuff on actual GPMs so I didn't have a chart of my lifetimes on earth nor did I have very good certainty on the little I could recall. But it had given me this strange idea of a jewel of knowledge at the top of the sequence of universes (which I had already mapped back as far a home universe thanks to running the penalty universes) and so I followed up on that point. And the jewel of knowledge bounced the emeter off its pins and what I could get of its anatomy reacted consistently despite the trouble I was having in visualizing its many dimensional structure.
I still consider everything about the jewel to be slightly speculative because I still can't visualize things in that many dimensions (even though I've been able to visualize 4 dimensional structures comfortably ever since I ran the incident on the reality wars), but I'm pretty well convinced of the existence of the jewel. The little that I have managed to pull out of it explains so much about who we are and what's going on that I'm pretty well sold.
The trick I used in that Tibetan lifetime of drilling OT processes while in a near death condition also lines up well with my one near death experience in this lifetime. I had been mugged by two guys and it really pissed me off, so I had fought back and gotten stabbed seven times in the process. I walked away from it and tried to heal the body by mental means (big mistake). I think that I actually had one or two of the wounds healed, but all the blood in the body had gushed out of the remaining ones during the hour it took me to do this so finally I gave up and called an ambulance (they had to give me 5 quarts of blood when they got me into the emergency room).
When they carried me downstairs on the stretcher (I had gone back to my apartment), the body blacked out and I lost my hold on it. The senses had simply shut down completely, but I retained full consciousness. It was not at all like being asleep or in a dream, I was fully awake, but receiving no input from the body whatsoever. I didn't see any light at the end of the tunnel or anything like that, but I did see stars. Then I realized that it was because I was looking at the sky (it was nighttime) so I turned around and there was a tiny ambulance rushing down the street a few hundred feet below me. My perceptions were clear and unquestionable, far better than I remember them being in any earlier incidents that I had run of actually dying. According to the mystics, in this situation you should find the golden cord running to the body and hang onto it. It seemed like a good idea, so I mocked up a golden beam and ran it down to the body. That may have kept it alive. I watched them move it into the emergency room (I rushed down and stayed close when they reached the hospital). Then they started pumping blood into it and the body's senses came back on. It was like being swamped by a flood and I was back in the body looking around the room while they worked on me. I actually felt quite good and pleased with myself because of the out of body experience and I remember joking with the nurses. I doubt that the heart ever stopped beating so I probably was never officially dead, but I did hit that near death state where the body couldn't overwhelm my own perceptions and energies.
To the org's credit, they rushed an auditor to me in the hospital and I received a thorough regiment of assists (at no charge, by the way even though I had not been on staff for many years). My healing rate was about 5 times normal. The chief surgeon would bring the interns by and lecture about miraculous recovery and how incredible it was that I was still alive. After they operated (shortly after bringing me into emergency), the estimates were that I would spend a week in intensive care, one to two months in the hospital, and it would be at least six months before I could work again and get around comfortably. The actual times were a few hours in intensive care (I was sitting up and talking and having visitors so they moved me out right away), a week in the hospital, and full recovery and back to work in about a month.
According to the Tibetan materials, if you die consciously, you will have a brief period where your energy level is still high and you will have a chance to make it out if you practice the yoga of the clear light of confront (the translations don't use the word confront, instead they write the-sitting-face-to-face which is a single word in the scrolls). They say that after that, the being will go into a swoon. Furthermore, the clear period may be long or short depending on the person's spiritual advancement, and may also be affected by the manner of death, possibly not occurring at all if the person dies while sedated. Therefore, they reject pain killing drugs if they are about to die, because they want a chance at coming out of the body with full consciousness instead of being befuddled with drugs. This might not be a bad idea.
In complete contrast to the two above experiences, where I was exterior with full consciousness while the body was half dead and completely out of commission, is another experience where I was completely without a body and experienced a terrific analytical shutdown as a result.
This is an experience that might be described as teleportation that occurred during the brief time period when I was key-ed out OT in 1968.
It was a cold night and I was walking back from dinner with a girl. We were just friends but we had our arms around each other for warmth because we didn't have our coats and the temperature had dropped severely while we were eating. We reached a corner two blocks from the org and I noticed a subway entrance. I knew that the subway platform extended underground for the entire distance and that there was an exit right where we were going. In this area of downtown, the subway stations often (but not always) had arcades or parallel tunnels that let you walk the length of the station without having to pay the fare to get down to the platforms. In some places you could go as much as a mile underground and it would be considerably warmer.
So I had the idea that we could walk the rest of the way underground in relative comfort. But I didn't want to drag the girl downstairs only to find that there were gates and turnstiles blocking our way. And this was a time when I had been having occasional flashes of good exterior perception (quick but clear glimpses of things). So I determined to simply take a look without using the body. And I did this by deciding to be there (rather than move there).
And then I was there, looking at the turnstiles. And for a moment, I was disappointed that they were in my way. But then I realized that I could simply float over them. And so I began to drift around in the subway in a bodiless state. And everything was a little bit vague looking, but more solid than in a dream. It all seemed a little blurry as if I didn't have my glasses on. But I didn't remember that I wore glasses, so it all seemed very natural. And I also didn't remember who I was or what I was doing down there. But it was pleasant and I was having fun drifting around looking at things. In retrospect, I was absurdly simpleminded, as if I had an IQ of about 50. But something kept nagging at me, and finally I remembered the girl.
In the next instant, I was standing on the street and she was staring straight at me yelling my name. And then she jumped back in startlement and asked me "Where did you come from?". I was back to my normal consciousness, but I was confused and a bit embarrassed. I immediately assumed that the body had gone into some kind of a trance while I was looking around in the subway. And I told her that, but she misunderstood and said "How could you come out of the subway, there's no entrance here?". And I looked around and we were a few blocks away from where we had been. And I asked her what had happened. And she said that I had suddenly disappeared and that she had panicked and started running around yelling for me. And she had run to the next block and turned the corner and continued to run around looking for me and suddenly I was right there in front of her.
We talked it through and the only possible conclusion was that my body had not existed for awhile. And since then, of course, I have always wondered exactly what I did and how to do it again. At the simplest level, it seemed like I had just forgotten to keep creating the body, and then I remembered to do it again.
On further examination, it seemed like there was some sort of a template or pattern which I keep continually energized on an automatic basis and I had simply cut off the energy flow. But the pattern remained, in some sort of a potential state, and then I energized it again and the body was back. Since I happened to re-energize it in a different place from where it had disappeared, the theoretical effect is one of teleportation.
This had led me to all sorts of interesting ideas, such as the concept that there are underlying templates or patterns behind the physical manifestation of reality (it was only later that I found out that Plato had some similar ideas). It also led me to think about the idea that there might be "potential" matter (as opposed to actualized matter) just as there is potential energy (as opposed to kinetic energy).
But no matter how many times I try to run through this incident, there always seems to be some sort of a blank spot in the moment when I disappear and another when I come back. Its like there is something that I wouldn't let myself remember.
Interestingly enough, I felt much warmer after I reappeared. The girl also felt warm on account of having run around so furiously looking for me. So we were fairly comfortable as we finally walked to the org.
One of the important points is how dim witted I was without the body. It has led me to believe that we foolishly use the brain as an aid for much of our thinking (like using a calculator instead of adding things up yourself) and we lose that when the body is gone. So we turn into morons after we die and easily get tricked into things like between lives implants.
It would be a good idea to practice thinking without using the brain. I think that we may have a need (or an aberration) to locate or store our thoughts and memories in some sort of mass or object. Try doing some arithmetic by pushing the numbers into a mountain or something and then try doing the operation (addition or whatever) in that space. When I first tried this, it was surprisingly hard (like doing it for the first time, despite the fact that I can run large calculations in my head easily), but it became easy very rapidly. This might make the difference between being bright or stupid after death.